Tag Archives: D

What D’s Perfect Relationship Looks Like, According to Science

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Get comfy everyone, maybe even grab a snack, because this post is loooong.

To maximize blogging dating potential, I’m on a few different sites (all free ones because I’m cheap). One of them offered a “relationship needs assessment.” As far as I can tell, they don’t use the results to actually match you with other people on the site who meet your relationship needs, it’s basically just a psych assessment by a computer algorithm based on 100 statements and my responses of “Not at all Like Me”, “Somewhat Unlike Me”, “Somewhat Like Me”, or “Much Like Me”. A few samples:

I feel loved when my partner celebrates my birthday with a gift. DUH! Who doesn’t?
I worry that my romantic partners will not care about me as much as I care about them. Sounds like something I should be talking to a therapist about,  not a dating website.
As a sexual partner, I try to be neat. I don’t even know what this means, but I’m pretty sure being neat is pretty far down on the list of things I’m thinking about…
Love comes but once in a lifetime. Santa and the Easter Bunny are real too.
I feel loved when my partner helps me out with chores. I guess I feel loved, but mostly I just feel annoyed we’re doing chores.
 

Obviously I sat down and filled that shit out. The results were broken down into nine categories. As with most things like this, my results were a mix of accurate and hilariously inaccurate. Behold:

Interdependence: how much you need dependency or a “couple identity” with your partner.

We started off pretty accurate. It said that I need someone who reciprocates a strong feeling of attachment to a partner, but who also respects and copes well with the fact that I like some independence (or as they called it, “physical and psychological space at times”). Truth. Both because I think it’s important and healthy to have a separate identity from your partner, and because if I spend too much time with just one person, even someone I love, I tend to want to throw them off a cliff. I once spent a week with my two best friends at a beach house in Rhode Island, and I still go into a blind rage at the mention of Block Island. What should have been a minor disagreement (that I was unfortunately on the wrong end of) turned into a huge fight, and the underlying issue was 80% cabin fever on my part (and 20% my hatred of being wrong). They’re both laughing as they read this (luckily they’re still friends with me). It was ten years ago, and I’m still not laughing. Block Island was very lovely, but I legitimately hate that place. I hate an island that I visited for one day. So a bit of independence in a relationship can only be a good thing for me.

Intimacy: how much you need emotional closeness with your partner.

Allegedly, I am very comfortable with being intimate and vulnerable with a partner and people like me have big hearts and an impressive openness to our partners, including extending trust. Not to get too serious or all therapy session on you, but this is pretty off, at least as far as trust goes. I’m definitely not comfortable being vulnerable or extending trust, for a variety of reasons which aren’t very interesting. I’m working on it. The results also said that I am willing to act on the belief that my partner’s feelings are equally as strong/important as mine, and though I’m not perfect I do try never to belittle or invalidate other peoples’ feelings just because I don’t agree with those feelings. We broke even here.

Self-Efficacy: your self-image, stability of mood and level of motivation.

This one is my favorite. My answers apparently gave the impression that I am “patient”, “calm, cool and collected most of the time”, “likely do not overreact to circumstances as others might do”, and am “able to maintain a balanced perspective on situations.” Excuse me while I go change because I peed myself laughing. Recent examples of my calm, cool, collected, balanced perspective include: 1) texting two EMTs and an orthopedic surgeon (?) because my eye was twitching “weird” and I was convinced that I had an unruptured brain aneurysm that was pressing on my optic nerve and WHAT SHOULD I DO?; 2) spending the better part of an hour researching causes of throat cancer because my throat was scratchy and they had discovered some mold in the drywall and insulation of my office; 3) drafting an (unenforceable) last will and testament every time I get a sinus infection; 4) laying down in the hallway of my apartment building, crying because there was a bird in my apartment; and 5) throwing away an otherwise perfectly good garbage can because the bag had leaked leaving the bottom of the can gross, and buying a new garbage can was more appealing than the more responsible act of simply cleaning out the old one. And that’s all within the last year four months. I’m 28, that’s just a drop in my very composed bucket… I call shenanigans on this test.

Relationship Readiness: how prepared you are emotionally, psychologically and pragmatically for a committed relationship.

I have a good foundation and appear pretty much ready and willing to find a committed relationship. Go me! But maybe I got this result only because I tricked the test into thinking I have a balanced perspective and am generally calm, cool and collected. Whatever, I’m going to take this as a sign that I’m navigating being a grown up somewhat well, which was actually pretty unclear to me based on things like #s 4 and 5 above. Since I’m such an emotionally mature person, they told me that I need someone who is also awesome at life and wants a relationship, rather than needs one to feel personally fulfilled. Accurate. I don’t ever want to be something someone needs. I want to be something they want, but can survive without. Maybe we’re getting back on track…

Communication: your approach to interpersonal interactions and level of emotional intelligence.

Breaking News: I need someone who will not put up emotional barriers as to their thoughts and feelings, but will communicate with me. Correct – I do need that. In fact, I’m pretty sure every healthy relationship needs that.

Conflict Resolution: your stress management and problem solving skills.

I scored in the range of people who do not “consistently consider the Proper Atmosphere when addressing relationship problems.” More specifically, I neither consistently arrange for a mutually acceptable time and setting, nor choose my opening statement carefully to establish positive yet realistic expectations. So I need someone who is actually calm, cool and collected and is willing to address issues spontaneously (read, when I decide it’s time to address them). Perhaps I was a little premature calling shenanigans…

Sexuality: your needs (frequency, boundaries, expressions) related to physical intimacy.

My sexual needs are apparently “best described as fairly conservative compared to most other people, yet you are no prude.” I need someone who sees sex as romantic and fun and especially who will like to be submissive to my sexual desires. I’m not actually going to comment on this assessment, not because it’s right or wrong, but because I’m virtually incapable of talking about anything sexual. But I felt like I’d be somehow deceiving all you readers if I omitted this part, so there you have it.

Attitudes Toward Love: your level of needs for romantic love and friendship love.

I was informed that there are two types of love: romantic love and companionate love. Turns out I’m a hopeless romantic with a touch of realist. But it goes on to say that people in this range commonly view their partner as their soul mate. SOOOO, that “touch of realist” line was a load of crap then. Despite my deep love for The Princess Bride (Columbo! Kevin Arnold! And most of all, Westley! Dreamy Westley saying “as you wish”, which is like the most romantic thing any guy could ever say to me), there’s no such thing as destiny or soul mates. Shenanigans again (unless Ryan Gosling shows up at my door, then I’ll have no choice but to believe in both).

Preferred Expressions of Affection: your likes and dislikes for different ways a partner can express love and devotion.

My answers indicated that I need someone who expresses love with gifts. I don’t like how materialistic that makes me seem, but I also love gifts, so I can’t pretend like they’re wrong about me. My results went on to say that when it comes to my partner expressing affection, I like simple things such as them telling me how they feel, spending time with me, or remembering special occasions with a thoughtful gift. There we go with the gift thing again, but this time it sounds nicer.

So – did I learn anything new about myself or what I need from a relationship? Nope. Even though I’m no psychology expert, and have barely managed to stay alive since my parents stopped putting a roof over my head and food on the table, I am self-aware enough to already know that I need to be in a relationship with someone who 1) can communicate, 2) is calm to balance out my batshit-crazy, and 3) buys me presents. Which is pretty much the gist of that lengthy assessment. But it was entertaining enough reading all the questions and what my answers “said” about me, so it was time well spent I say. And bonus – in addition to all the above insights, I was provided with some very helpful questions that I could ask dates to determine whether or not they fit the bill of what I need. They were so awesome that I need to feature them all on their own, so look forward to that!

-D

Profile Red Flags

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I’ve viewed quite a lot of profiles during this online dating journey. And I’ll likely view a lot more before this journey is over. Some profiles are great – they provide some substantive info while also being funny and/or a little self-deprecating. Most fall somewhere between good and mediocre (mine included). Filling out a profile about yourself is awkward and not really that easy, so I’m not super picky about how expertly you distilled yourself into okcupid’s 8 or 9 “essays”.  And besides, I’m not on here to go around judging everyone (obviously I make some judgments), I’m on here to meet people. Awesome profile doesn’t always translate into awesome person anyway. That said, I have come across some things that made me move on immediately, before I’d even read through the whole profile.  Below is a sampling:

1) A professed love of cuddling. I’ve seen this a lot. I like cuddling a normal amount. And it would be nice if my future guy enjoyed it as well. But when a guy goes so far as to publicly declare cuddling as one of his favorite things to do or something that he’s good at, I become wary. It’s a weird thing to put in a profile. Either he’s saying it because he thinks it’s what women want to hear, or he really does LOVE cuddling. The reason the former is a red flag is obvious. The latter is a red flag because I do not like a ton of physical contact (like texting, I prefer this in moderation). And it’s cool if he does, it’s pretty much the only thing on this list that doesn’t make me think any less of him. I’m instantly more attracted to a man wearing Carhartt – everyone has their thing. But for someone who doesn’t really like to be touched all that much (I guess maybe I actually don’t like cuddling a normal amount?), I wouldn’t mesh well with someone who loves to cuddle.

2) Repeated mentions of a stuffed animal rodent that you named after a destructive piece of machinery and regularly “converse” with. There is a 98% chance that you sir are, or will one day become, a serial killer. My desire not to be your first victim is what prompted me to describe your overly philosophical “best friend” in vague terms here, because I’m afraid that if I were to state his name and species you would somehow find me and it would end very, very badly.  Probably with the use of your little buddy’s namesake.

3) Listing “copious lubrication” as 1 of the 6 things you can’t live without. I can’t even explain how uncomfortable reading that made me (though if you know me, you probably can imagine).

4) Starting a profile with a 12 paragraph poem about love. This does not make you seem smart or artistic or sensitive or whatever it is that you were going for. Unless what you were going for was Pretentious Asshole, in which case you nailed it.

5) Responding positively to the question “Would you role play a rape fantasy if your partner asked?” I feel no need to expand further on this, other than to say that I am disgusted that this is even a question, and horrified that guys answer “yes” far more frequently than I thought they would.

6) Mentioning that you’re married and looking for friends, and might be interested in sex, but I would have to meet your wife first. Either you’re in an open relationship, or you’re looking for a threesome. Whatever floats your boat dude, what you do behind closed doors is your business. But that’s not my cup of tea, so I’m going to move along.

7) Advertising your side-job as a male-prostitute, and that “Girls usually describe me as the cute guy next door. My big dick is usually a total surprise.” I’m not really sure what the correlation between those 2 things is, is that combination a rare phenomenon? (Don’t answer that). I am sure that you’re blocked from ever contacting me.

8) Using emoticons. One smiley face might be ok. But mostly, using any emoticon, especially winky faces or the one where you’re sticking your tongue out, just leads me to believe you’re a 13 year old girl.

9) Stating that you like to hang out at the mall. I’m sorry, What?  This is not Fast Times at Ridgemont High or Mallrats. It’s time to grow up. Since you seem to be stuck in high school, here’s an SAT themed hint: malls :: teenagers as bars :: adults. Try it!

10) A profile that is blank, except for 1 photo of you. This isn’t actually so much a red flag. It’s just totally useless to me.

Dating seems even more daunting when faced with the reality that these people are what’s out there…

-D

P.S. Speaking of Mallrats, here’s a little Fun Fact about me: whilst at a video store (so oldschool!) with my boyfriend senior year of high school, he insisted we rent Mallrats because it was his favorite movie and he thought I should give it another chance. As I hated Mallrats, I insisted we also rent Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True, which had just been released straight to video. He good-naturedly agreed, and then I fell asleep while we were watching my selection because I didn’t actually care about it. I think this anecdote sums both of us up perfectly: he was a good boyfriend, I was am an antagonistic lunatic. Crazy that I’m still single right?

Pic of the Week: Scion Dealership

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pic of the week contender 2

TALKING POINTS:

  • The pose. It’s not a Porsche buddy, no need to look so smug in front of it.
  • IN the Scion Dealership. I’m unclear as to what’s happening here. Did you buy this car? Do you work here? Was this just a Sunday Funday activity, hitting up all the local car dealers and taking pictures in front of unimpressive cars?
  • The car. I can barely see you, so you’re clearly posting this to show off that car and newsflash, it’s not a swoon worthy car. Scion doesn’t exactly scream luxury or performance, so there’s really no reason to brag. Besides, whether you own a Maserati or a 2001 Honda Civic, using a picture of you and your car on your online dating profile just makes you look like a tool.

Conclusion: The implied takeaway is that he’s just a normal guy with a nice little economical car (assuming he bought it and isn’t just doing his best Joey impression sans a sweet fanny pack). The actual takeaway is that he loves that car so much that he would probably treat it better than he would treat me, whether he owns it or just visits it at the dealership sometimes. As Si frequently says:

Si - Homey Don't Play That

The art and etiquette of messaging

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In the world of online dating, you make or break your chances of dating someone on the first message you send out. Here’s our collective advice on what leads to a date,and what leads to a delete.

1. Keep it short. I want a date, not a pen pal. Keep your message short, with a few fun facts about you and a few questions about me and I’ll do the same. And once we go back and forth twice, decide if you want to ask me out or not. I write enough emails for work, I don’t want to come home and read something with multiple paragraphs unless it’s this or this.

2. Never ever mention someone’s booty (or their labia, or their toes). True story–every girl I know on the site receives several messages–sent between the hours of 1 and 4 a.m., that read something like this: “Hello sexy fresh bootlicious, I want to cum ovr rite now and suck your toes and smack yERr boo-TAY!”(Spelling and punctuation borrowed from real life messages). The thing is, even if I wanted to respond, it’s incredibly difficult to dream up a response that could top your literary genius and complexity.

3. Write me a personalized message. You (presumably) just read a bunch of information about me on my profile. I didn’t put it there for myself to read. Just add a few sentences, personalize the message. Do we have something in common? Did you think something in my profile was funny or interesting? Do you have any thoughts at all? Do not just say, “hi-what’s up?” or “how are you?” First, that’s lazy. Second, How AM I? Well I just got over a UTI, I threw up in my sink last week, I ate crackers for dinner, and I’ve been listening to “Dancing on my Own” on repeat. The point is, I’m not comfortable sharing my weird little habits and worries with a stranger (I’d like to get to know you and THEN let all my ugly secrets come out).   And if I follow your lead and respond with a generic “good, how are you?” we’ve learned nothing about each other.  Keep those kind of pleasantries for when you pass a co-worker in the hallway.

4. Don’t use that terrifying AIM like “chat” feature. It’s not 1995 and this is not a chat room. 

5. Getting belligerent is scary. A little teasing and some friendly debate is great for a first date, but can be really off-putting in a first message. For instance, if I really like the Washington Redskins, don’t message me with “RGIII SUCKS! GO COWBOYS!” First of all, CAPS LOCK is terrifying–you’re yelling and I don’t know you yet. Second of all, the Cowboys suck, and so do you.

6. Be yourself, but don’t reveal your deepest darkest fears. Admitting you’re new to the site, you’re awkward, or you don’t understand messaging protocol is fine with me. A little humility is refreshing. However, don’t start a message with, “most people think my messages are annoying but I am trying to get better at them so I finally get a date cuz i’ve been on the site forever and no one likes me.” Instead of responding, I’d like to direct you to my therapist so you can work on your self esteem issues.

Lastly, ladies and gents, we believe personalized messages deserve a response. Unless someone looks and sounds like a serial killer, if they take the time to write you a nice message crafted with details from your profile, do them a favor and respond. If you’re interested, continue the conversation. That’s easy enough. If you’re not interested, respond anyway. Would you ever ignore a real live person who asked you a polite question at a bar? (Oh god, I bet some of you just silently answered yes. I hope I never meet you–at a bar or otherwise.) Just thank them for messaging you and let them know. While I felt like an admissions officer sending my first “thanks but no thanks and best of luck” message, I also felt like a brave, direct person. A brave direct person whose karma will be improved so people will answer her perfectly normal, wittily-crafted, messages.

-L & D

The downfall of N

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Where we last left off, N and I had been on a successful first date . But texting in moderation seemed to befuddle him. He either texted for hours, or not at all. He seemed to get the hang of it a few days after our date, because midweek we exchanged a few texts about Rafael Soriano leaving the Yankees (yes, I’m a Yankees fan living deep in Red Sox territory, my life is hard yo). This is the kind of texting I’m open to! Then, Thursday morning he asked if I was busy Friday night. It was a little last minute, but my only plans revolved around streaming The Wonder Years, so I said I was free and asked what he had in mind. This is the exchange that followed:

N: I was thinking a movie.

D: Sure. That sounds good.

N: Cool.

Then five hours went by. FIVE HOURS. No suggestion of a movie, a theater, a time. Nothing. Just “cool”.

I would be lying if I said this didn’t infuriate me a little. Even just the shell of a plan shouldn’t be too much to ask for. I don’t think it should be too much to ask ever, but especially by the time you’ve reached your late 20s you should be able to plan a basic movie date. It had been like pulling teeth the last time, and I had been the one making location and time suggestions. This one was on him, he asked me out so he was going to have to do the work this time. So I waited. I’m stubborn like that. Finally, late that afternoon, he asked if there was any movie in particular that I was dying to see. I said no, but prompted him to look up what was playing at the theater in our shared neighborhood. I was hoping he would check out the options and make a few suggestions. It was nice that he was offering to let me pick the movie, but do some legwork dude. Nope. He just sent me a list of what was playing.

I was rapidly losing interest in N. I’m not looking for extravagance, or even creativity at this point, it’s only the 2nd date. And I don’t mind making the plans sometimes. But I want more than this. I want some semblance of Dating with a capital D. This lackadaisical crap that seems to pass for dating these days is not ok with me. I want more initiative.

I suggested two options from what was playing, and since he had already seen one of them our choice was finally made – Gangster Squad. I got to the theater Friday night, and he was waiting with tickets in hand. A good start. I sprung for the popcorn. We were there about 15 minutes early, so we chatted, mostly about sports and our taste in movies. Again, conversation was pretty easy (and free of anything law related this time!), but I still wasn’t really feeling anything more. I was pretty sure this would be our last date.

About 20 minutes into the movie, we had polished off the popcorn. I leaned down to put the empty bag on the floor. When I sat back, his arm was there. I was startled, and actually said “Ohh!” I also got a sinking feeling in my stomach. He clearly felt differently than I did – he was interested. And he was also fumbling. Since he reached across while I was leaning forward, his arm was too low. Instead of resting on my shoulders, his arm was down across my shoulder blades. I didn’t really want it there, but I also didn’t want to make the next 90 minutes unbearably awkward for us both. So I tried shifting, in an attempt to get him to at least move his arm up into the right place. This did not work. So we sat that like for 10 minutes or so, with his arm serving as my backrest. It could not have been comfortable for him, because eventually he whispered “this isn’t working” and pulled his arm away. And went to hold my hand. My hands were clasped together in my lap, so I just pretended like I didn’t see him offer his hand. So he opted to rest his hand on my knee instead. This was getting more awkward by the second.

He tried again a little while later to take my hand, but my hands were still clasped together. At this point, my right arm had fallen asleep, but I was too afraid to unclasp my hands. I didn’t want to give him the chance to snatch one up. I felt bad, but I also didn’t want to encourage him or give him any sort of false hope. He settled for my knee again. I was so uncomfortable. There we sat, watching Sean Penn swear a lot (what happened to his face by the way, he used to be attractive), with N rubbing my knee and me trying not to cry because my arm was doing the pins and needles thing.

He eventually stopped, so I thought he had gotten the hint (I still didn’t free up my hands though). But as we were leaving the theater, he asked if I wanted to grab some food. I politely declined, and we walked to my car. Conversation wasn’t so easy this time, so I took to pointing out some of my favorite local spots (he hasn’t lived in the area long), and then went on a rant about how awful Citizen Kane is (a diner named Rosebud was the catalyst). I was SMOOTH. When we got to the side street my car was on, we said goodnight, and he started to go in for either a kiss or a hug. I didn’t wait long enough to see which, I made sure it was just a hug, thanked him for the movie and for walking me to my car, and said goodnight.

-D

P.S. N is a movie talker. I hate that.

Date rating: 3/10. 1 point because N is truly a nice guy, and 2 points because Ryan Gosling is just delightful. Staring at him for 2 hours is never an unwanted or unpleasant activity. This was definitely our last date.

Lesson Learned: Going to the movies with a guy you’re not sure you’re interested in yet provides too many opportunities for physical contact for my liking.

Message Monday – A Deep Sense of Wanderlust

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Every Monday we will post one of the bizarre, gross, random or ridiculous messages that we’ve received for your viewing pleasure.  We’ll keep it going until we run out of bad messages, which means we may be doing this indefinitely.  Enjoy!

I received a decent message one day.  I checked out the guy’s profile, which as he references contains a “really long poem” (12 paragraphs to be exact) , but since he had sent a nice message, I responded.  I didn’t hear anything for a month and a half, which didn’t really faze me since I wasn’t all that interested.  And then out of nowhere he wrote back to me:

a deep sense of wanderlust

1) The poem.  Yes, let’s talk about that poem.  The fact that viewing your profile requires scrolling through a 12 paragraph poem about love, before I get to any information about you, already makes me skeptical.  I like poetry as much as the next guy, but just tell me you like poetry, don’t cut and paste an entire poem into your online dating profile.  It makes you look pompous.  Setting that aside, now you go and provide that explanation?  I get it – you want me to know you’re deep and sensitive and well-read.

2) Mentioning that you have good shoes tells me that you’re vain.  Also, there’s only room for 1 shoe-whore in my relationships, and that will always be ME.  Step back son.

3) Mentioning your ex-girlfriend and what she liked about you makes me want to throw up.  Also, it’s dating 101 that you don’t talk about exes early on, let alone before you’ve even met me.

4) You buy, develop and sell companies?  Are you Richard Gere in Pretty Woman?  Are you just looking for your Julia Roberts to soften that hard exterior you’re so strongly projecting.  Are you going to whisk me off to the opera on a private jet?  Are you going to rescue me, and I rescue you right back?

5) I have no idea what to do with your “deep sense of wanderlust.”  What the fuck does that even mean?

6) I despise Paris.  -400 points.

7) The part about Obama’s comment that Americans should learn more languages is actually an interesting conversation topic.  But taken in context with the rest of your message, I get the sense that you’re mostly trying to tell me that you’re a polyglot. (I had to look up the word for that, btw, so thanks Wikipedia!  Also, that’s an awesome word).  Look at how cultured you are!

8) What I think is that you are trying way too hard.

-D

N – the excessive texter

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I’ve been out of the dating game for awhile.  Four years to be exact.  When I started law school back in 2008, I was not-so-seriously dating someone.  That petered out somewhere in the spring semester, not surprisingly, and then law school just got in the way.  Now that I’m done, I wanted to “get back out there” and hearing about S’s adventures inspired me to give online dating a try.  Things started out slow.  A lot of “Hey what’s up?”, which I don’t respond to because if you’re going to be lazy, then so am I.  There were a few nice messages as well, but none that really piqued my interest.  And then N sent me a nice message and asked an interesting question, so I responded. To understand N, I can’t start at the first date, I have to share the messaging history. 

We exchanged sporadic messages for a few days.  Everything was going nicely, and it was getting to the point where we both seemed interested enough to warrant a date.  He asked at the end of one message if I had any plans that weekend.  I actually did, so I shared them, and then he asked what I was up to during the upcoming week.  Expecting that he was going to ask me out, I answered that it was actually a pretty quiet week for me.  His response was “Nice, a quiet week is good every once in awhile.”  That was it.  I was a little confused, but he continued to message me for a few more days.  He finally asked for my number on a Tuesday, and texted me that night.  For over 3 hours.

Here’s the thing.  I know that texting is the norm now, and an accepted form of communication.  But I hate it.  The only thing I like texting for is the occasional hello/thinking of you/funny anecdote and to make plans.  I don’t like it for extended conversation.  It takes too long, it’s distracting and impersonal, and things get easily misconstrued.  Conversations should take place in person or over the phone.  This rant makes me sound like an old, crotchety grandmother, and I’m cool with it.

But I went with it, because it is pretty common and a phone call without having ever met would have been awkward.  So I texted with him until I was tired, and said goodnight.  The next morning I get a text from him around 10, asking how my day was going.  I kindly told him we could catch up later, but I was busy at work so no daytime texting (meanwhile, I was actually playing minesweeper, but he didn’t know that).  That night, the texting picked back up again, for another 3 or so hours.  I was starting to lose my patience.  The conversation was pleasant enough, but why were we still texting?  I don’t understand why someone would want to spend that much time texting someone they had never met.  So Thursday night, after a half hour of texting with no sign of asking me out in sight, I said that I really wasn’t much of a texter, but would he like to get a drink and chat in person?  He said sure. 

Planning the date was a project.  When I provided two options for a place to meet, his response was “sounds good.”  What sounds good?  We haven’t decided on anything.  Eventually we had a date planned for Monday night after work.  Despite my annoyance with all the texting, I was excited to meet him.  He was nice and funny, if not a little obsessed with the details of my being a lawyer.  Questions about what types of cases I worked on, my workload, and billing were endless.  They comprised at least 62% of our 7 or so hours of electronic communication.  It was a little weird.

Monday night came, we got to the bar right at the same time, and ordered drinks and apps.  It was a little awkward at first, but conversation flowed pretty nicely and covered a broad range of general topics.  Hobbies, family, my job again, sports, etc.  He earned bonus points when he agreed that Wings is a fantastic show, and even hummed a little bit of the intro music.  After about an hour and a half we wrapped things up.  He asked if I would want to go out again.  There wasn’t really any sort of a spark, but the night had been pleasant enough and a 2nd date seemed warranted to really get an idea about him.  So I said sure.  As we walked back to our respective cars, he seemed confused about how to plan the next date.  I had to explain that he could text me, there wasn’t a ban on all texting.  Just, not as much texting.  To which he responded: “I don’t really understand, but we’ll figure it out.”  This did not bode well.

-D

Date rating: 6/10.   The extreme texting had been a little off-putting.  But the date itself wasn’t too awkward and conversation came pretty easily, so it was a pleasant evening, and by all accounts a successful first date.

The 2nd date though, was far less successful.  Stay tuned.