Thanksgiving miracle! (Something non-awful from eHarmony)

Who’s ready for tomorrow?

wheres that turkey

Source: www.popsugar.com

How about delicious sides? Excessive drinking? Pie? Uncomfortable disagreements about politics? Invasive questions from relatives?

That last thought has been in my head since we posted this gem on Twitter last week:

single

Source: http://www.someecards.com

kristen-bell-laughing-crying-g-TzMP

Source: www.reddit.com

Then yesterday my nemesis, eHarmony, blew up my spot with a timely little email:

EH

I know, I know, why am I still subscribed to their sad little e-newsletter if 1. I hate their site more than I hate opening my cable bill every month (sob, Comast, sob) and 2. I’m NOT EVEN A PAYING MEMBER? Valid questions, friends. The answer is that I love to open up these newsletters, hate-read the (usually) terrible headlines, cackle at eHarmony’s continued attempts to recruit me into their cult, and then press delete with a satisfying click of my mouse. 

hate fire

Source: thegoggindiaries.com

So I clicked on the above article (link here) with a self-satisfied smirk, ready to rip it to shreds, but damn it if it wasn’t kind of good. And…helpful. What sort of alternate universe is this, eHarmony? Is this a trick?

illusions

Source: www.absolutepunk.net

Single readers, if you’re finding yourself dreading answering the ‘seeing anyone special?’ question tomorrow, check it out. But I do have to say, if someone actually had the gall to ask me the third example in this article, which is:

“Aren’t you afraid you’ll spend the rest of your life alone?”

hell come

Source: gifsoup.com

I would probably flip the Thanksgiving table,

table flip

 

Source: www.hollywood.com

grab the stuffing and bounce. Because yowza, that shit is outrageously rude. Am I just naive, here? Has anyone actually been asked that question?

Also, I realized it’s no surprise that I enjoyed this article because it was written by an author who we’ve mentioned before, Sarah Eckel. Seriously, her NY Times articles about being single for most of her adult life are great, and super validating. Now I kind of feel like this post comes like a paid endorsement but I promise you, we don’t know the author (although if you’re reading this, Sarah, call us!) and this post is not sponsored (if we were going to monetize this blog, we w0uld not be partnering with eHarmony to do it). 

I will say this: the awesome thing about having StuCu is that when I do get those annoying questions about my dating life, now I can just obnoxiously be that guy at a holiday get together and REFER THEM TO MY BLOG. Here’s a little script of what I might be saying tomorrow:

“Oh actually, Aunt ___/Uncle ___/cousin ___/neighbor who I awkwardly ran into in my parents’ driveway, it’s funny you ask because I recently decided to chronicle my failed dating adventures on the internet with two single friends–you should check it out! Maybe reading about all the shenanigans we’ve been through will answer your question!” *winning smile*

And then I’ll slip them our business card because yes, we actually ordered business cards.

kevin g

kevin g card

 

Source: www.tumblr.com

Here’s hoping my fellow Americans out there have a wonderful Turkey Day, and for my single sisters (and brothers) out there, I hope the questioning is short and sweet. Now excuse me, but I’m home at my parents’ house and need to go get on this level…

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