Every Monday we will post one of the bizarre, gross, random or ridiculous messages that we’ve received for your viewing pleasure.  We’ll keep it going until we run out of bad messages, which means we may be doing this indefinitely.  Enjoy!

I received a decent message one day.  I checked out the guy’s profile, which as he references contains a “really long poem” (12 paragraphs to be exact) , but since he had sent a nice message, I responded.  I didn’t hear anything for a month and a half, which didn’t really faze me since I wasn’t all that interested.  And then out of nowhere he wrote back to me:

1) The poem.  Yes, let’s talk about that poem.  The fact that viewing your profile requires scrolling through a 12 paragraph poem about love, before I get to any information about you, already makes me skeptical.  I like poetry as much as the next guy, but just tell me you like poetry, don’t cut and paste an entire poem into your online dating profile.  It makes you look pompous.  Setting that aside, now you go and provide that explanation?  I get it – you want me to know you’re deep and sensitive and well-read.

2) Mentioning that you have good shoes tells me that you’re vain.  Also, there’s only room for 1 shoe-whore in my relationships, and that will always be ME.  Step back son.

3) Mentioning your ex-girlfriend and what she liked about you makes me want to throw up.  Also, it’s dating 101 that you don’t talk about exes early on, let alone before you’ve even met me.

4) You buy, develop and sell companies?  Are you Richard Gere in Pretty Woman?  Are you just looking for your Julia Roberts to soften that hard exterior you’re so strongly projecting.  Are you going to whisk me off to the opera on a private jet?  Are you going to rescue me, and I rescue you right back?

5) I have no idea what to do with your “deep sense of wanderlust.”  What the fuck does that even mean?

6) I despise Paris.  -400 points.

7) The part about Obama’s comment that Americans should learn more languages is actually an interesting conversation topic.  But taken in context with the rest of your message, I get the sense that you’re mostly trying to tell me that you’re a polyglot. (I had to look up the word for that, btw, so thanks Wikipedia!  Also, that’s an awesome word).  Look at how cultured you are!

8) What I think is that you are trying way too hard.

-D