This is the story of the best first date I ever had. But don’t get too excited, readers, as this story does not have a happy ending. Fast forward about 5 months from my very first okc date. I’d had some decent first dates, but nothing truly awesome. At that point I wasn’t convinced that there was such a thing as a great first date. Enter N, two years younger than me and pretty damn cute. He sent me a great first message, just the right combination of funny, charming, short and sweet.
N asked me out after a few messages back and forth. I was leaving for a work trip so we scheduled a date for a few weeks later, which meant there was a lot of build up before we actually met. In that few weeks we did some texting, but it wasn’t annoying, it was actually nice. We joked, flirted, and shared our favorite music. I was officially into him.
Finally, the night of our date arrived. I met N at a Thai restaurant in the city (his pick). I had learned pretty early on to push for just drinks on a first date, so if it turns out to be awful I can escape quickly, but when he suggested dinner I didn’t protest. We had hit it off so well online that it had to be good in person, right?
It totally was. N was cute and (miracle of miracles) actually the height he claimed to be in his profile. He was funny, smart and sweet in person, just like online, and our chemistry was good from the beginning. The conversation flowed easily: he told me about himself but also asked lots of questions about me and seemed genuinely interested in what I had to say. We drank Asian beer. We shared Pad Thai. There was enough snappy dialogue between us to fill an Aaron Sorkin script. Not to sound like a conceited asshole, but I made him laugh. A lot. I could tell he was into me. It was the closest I’d ever gotten to those fictional dates from movies and tv. Shit. Was. Great.
N had a good job in an interesting field and what sounded like a fun life. We talked about music, movies, books, college, our families, and the city. Finally, as our meal wound down, he offered to walk me towards my place since his apartment was in that direction.
It was drizzling as we walked and I wondered if N was going to kiss me. We stopped at our destination and he smiled, telling me he had a great time and would definitely be in touch. I agreed, thanked him for dinner, and was just turning to leave when he suddenly leaned in and kissed me. It was a short kiss and the only truly awkward moment on the night; he did it so suddenly it kind of startled me. It was honestly no more than a peck on the lips. Then he smiled, said ‘Bye’, and walked away.
I walked home doing an internal fist pump. Success! I thought. That was so much fun. The last part was a bit weird, but whatever. I was excited to hear from him again.
Except I never did. Days passed and I couldn’t believe N hadn’t called me. I started to feel really, really, unbelievably, spectacularly stupid. Did I completely make up how great the date was? Was it totally one sided and he was never into me the whole time? He had certainly acted like he was having as good a time as I was. How could I have been so wrong? Also, if he wasn’t into me, what. the. eff. was that kiss about? I decided that one of three things had to be the explanation:
- He wasn’t really into me
- He liked me, but wasn’t attracted to me
- (my preferred reason) he was tragically hit by a SEPTA bus before he had the chance to ask me out again. RIP
I thought about calling or texting him, but it just seemed too… desperate. This one was a real bummer. I don’t even mean N; I met the guy all of once, so who knows if I would have even liked him as much after a second date. I mean thinking something had gone really well and then getting a cold slap in the face telling me otherwise. I mean getting excited and then being let down. Also, there are few things more embarrassing than telling your friends, co-workers, roommate, mom, barista, pharmacist, bank teller and mailman about this awesome date you had, and then having to update each and every one of them when they asked with, “Yeahhhhh never heard from him again.” Ugh.
Am I a pussy for not reaching out to N? A few people told me to just call him. But I never want to be “that girl” who can’t take a hint, and I’m not sure there’s a bigger hint than someone not calling you. If he had wanted to see me again, he would have made it happen. Justin Long at least taught me that much.
Date rating: 8/10 (funny, smart, cute, great conversation, minimal awkwardness, good chemistry)
Lesson learned: Don’t get too ahead of yourself when things go well, especially on a first date. Also, don’t broadcast the fact that you had a great date to everyone you know until you’ve actually heard from the guy again.
Ugh BUMMER. Those are just the worst!! I think that, like you said, if a guy is interested, he’ll pursue you. But I also think that, when things go really well and you actually are excited about someone and want to see him again, then you have absolutely nothing to lose by reaching out once. Send him a text saying you had a great time and would love to do it again. Because what about option 4: maybe you were surprised by the quick kiss and maybe he mistook that for your not being interested or he was feeling awkward or something and then he didn’t hear from you so he thought you weren’t interested? I obviously have no idea, but in those rare cases when a guy is actually a good first date (because come on, it’s SO RARE!!) you have nothing to lose by reaching out except potentially a few nervous hours waiting to see if he’ll text you back.
I hear what you’re saying but I feel like when there’s no confusion about the fact that I had a great time (I acted like I did, I said I did) and he said he’d definitely call or text me…. what is that? And a part of it is I was just annoyed that he told me he’d do something and then didn’t. He could have just said nice to meet you if he wasn’t sure if he wanted to see me again, and left it open, but he didn’t. So a part of me was also like, eff this dude haha. I’m over it.
Thanks for the feedback, A-cat :).
That sucks, though I never realized good first dates were so rare. I’m not familiar with how first dates from online dating are, but I usually get some cues from text messages to try and make something memorable. The fun part of being the guy is coming up with cool date ideas, putting a little magic in there to make it special.
As far as another explanation why you never heard from him, I have a (relatively) short story. My friend has a crush on a girl, However, not knowing how/if it’ll ever work out, he asked out another girl, because it’s just one date, he figured: what’s the worst that could happen? Turns out the date went well, but since he still has a crush on the first girl, he didn’t want to lead the 2nd girl on, so he just let it go. Something could have come up in the time you were away. If the timing isn’t right, it just won’t work.
Good point. I’ve actually had that happen to me before… lined up a few first dates close to each other on okcupid, and then one of them sort of takes off but I’m still in contact with the other guy, so I let that go. But I always tell that person I’m not interested anymore, I feel like it’s just common courtesy rather than leaving them hanging, you know?
Also, putting a little magic in there? I’m impressed. Most guys in the online dating world literally say ‘so what do you want to do’ after they ask you out. It’s the worst.
Common courtesy – do people still have that nowadays? I was left hanging once, two amazing dates, then one lackluster one. I kinda figured it was over. I even gave her an out and asked via text if she wanted to go out again or call it quits; I still got nothing back. Oh well, she hated Christmas, so forget her 🙂
As for other guys not making an effort to plan…I guess I should thank them, maybe that’s why my 1st dates are better received than I think. I learned how to date through romantic comedies, so anything less than magic is a complete failure in my book.
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Should have called or texted him. Guys don’t usually know ‘the rules’
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I so get this. After some unsuccessful dating attempts I met a really great guy and I thought we hit it off. After the first date he wanted to meet up later in the week but I had an appointment at the dentist. Later I tried to message him to schedule a second date but he didn’t respond. So that was the end of that.