Pic of the week, blog award, and PSA

Before I get down to business, just a few quick announcements. First, some exciting news: Stucu was named one of the 10 Best Blogs for Dating in the City by DatingAdvice.com. Woohoo! Check out our sweet badge:


And our little write up here. Apparently, someone out there thinks our advice is “solid”. Well, shucks! That makes us feel like…

high five

Now, for the PSA portion of today’s post. For those of you who are interested, you can sign up to be notified via email whenever we publish a new post. It’s super easy, so easy even my computer illiterate mom can do it (no offense, mom, but you and I both know you’ve only just gotten the hang of Microsoft Word. Love you!)

To sign up for email notifications, do one of the following two things:

  • Scroll to the very bottom of this page to where it says ‘Follow Stucu’. Enter your email address, click ‘update me’ and voila! You’re all set.
  • Alternatively, if you see a little black ‘follow’ box at the bottom right hand corner of this page, you can also click to expand it, enter your email address, and hit ‘sign me up’. You’re golden.

If you have a WordPress account, you can also just click the ‘follow’ button at the top of the page when you’re signed in. This will add us to your blogroll but not your email. But you probably already knew this, you smart blogger, you! Also, if you’ve dated one of us and sometimes skim your blogroll at work, follow at your own risk. Heh.

I’m making this little announcement partially because our # of current followers is what some might call “sad and pathetic”, but more importantly because I was chatting with a friend recently who had no idea you could sign up for email notifications and was just coming to our site daily to check for new content. Which is wonderful! But also a pain in the ass. And if there’s one thing I value in life, it’s enabling myself (and others) to be lazy. So there you have it.

that was easy

Now, on to today’s main event, our pic of the week:


Okay then. That is… something. I know I don’t need to remind you all about my feelings re: bathroom selfies. I mean, I’ve lambasted dudes for taking a picture fully clothed while standing up in their bathrooms. Meanwhile this suitor just dropped trou, drew a bath and went straight for the money shot (God, I actually hope not, although who knows where that right hand has disappeared to…)


I’m thinking that this guy probably posted this…unique shot in the hopes that the ladies of Okcupid would gaze at his bare, hairy chest and be instantly turned on, so turned on that they would HAVE to shoot him a message in the hopes that they’d be invited into that tub. But honestly, I took one look at those outrageously fluffy bubbles and thought of one thing, and one thing only:

Proooobably not what Mr. Tub Man was going for, but there you have it. God, Sesame Street was the best.

In case you were wondering, here were the next thoughts that ran through my head, in chronological order:

  • Thought #2: Dude. We both know you’re going to drop that phone straight into the bubbly abyss, and then where will we be? Without more sensual selfies, that’s where we’ll be.
  • Thought #3: The placement of that ‘x’ is fantastic. Come on, dude nipples are funny.
  • Thought #4: Do we think he was playing a sensual jam in the background? I’d like to think that he was. And I’d like to think that it was this classic (the bath action starts at 1:55, FYI). Take it away, boys:


Textual feelings: My short-lived, mostly virtual, romance with M

Mark my words, in the next fifteen years, there will be a college course on dating, probably cross-listed under psychology and history. I mean, when I was in college, there was already a course, that, according to my loose recollection, was called something like, “Peeping under the Petticoat: Images of female sexuality in popular British magazines.” (Of course, being the gender studies junkie that I am, I think I took it.)

This hypothetical future course on dating would include, at the very least, three hours of course material on text messages, the form of communication that seems to dominate dating these days. We’ve already written about texting a bunch (texting too much, sexting, texting fails, etc) on this site. I personally HATE texting, but believe it’s one of those annoying, but inevitable things that one must do, especially when dating people you’ve never met in person with whom you want to avoid an awkward phone conversation full of long pauses, static, talking at the same time, and asking things like, “I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you. Can you repeat that?”

But texting too can have its awkward and frustrating pitfalls. I really think this Aziz Ansari clip says it all:

PREACH AZIZ! I hereby declare that the first college course on dating be named: Guess who is uninvited to the pizza party?: Texting and other humiliations you will experience when dating.

A couple months ago, I met a guy who was, at the very least, case study worthy for this course, if not a guest lecturer. His name was M, and he was a scruffy, tall, flannel shirting wearing, sarcastic, sound engineer. He worked at some very well known music venues in DC by night and made extra cash during the day shooting weird documentaries and promotional films for nonprofits and small businesses. Now, as I have alluded to briefly in my other posts, I am not exactly what you would call COOL when it comes to music and pop culture. I often find myself at the bar requesting a combination of Bob Seger and Whitney Houston, depending on what time of the evening it is. I get my clothes at Target (not ironically, for real) and the most recent thing I downloaded on my Ipod may or may not have been the soundtrack to Disney’s Frozen, which I sing along with while I fold my laundry.

C’mon, you’d be blasting this too.

Anyway, M somehow overlooked the lack of coolness on my profile and asked me out. After I agreed to meet, he wrote:

m message

Oh,  how M LOVED to text. But the thing is, he was pretty good at it. Funny, witty, and could keep up with my jokes.

M is a wit

We planned a date for the following week, so had a full week to know each other through text. The weekend before our date, M even drunk texted me.

Now, we all know that I don’t believe in sexting before the first date. Honestly, in my early years of online dating, this may have scared me off. But M played it off well, and soon enough we were joking around.

m drunk text apology

Sometimes, M’s texts reached beyond the point of my understanding. He liked to send me pictures, which was normal enough when he was in vacation in California, but less normal when he was texting me selfies from a brunch downtown. I mean, how many selfies can one woman take before she actually meets the fellow? 

When M and I finally met, I was super psyched to find out a few things about him.

1) He was better looking than in his profile picture. 

2) He was even funnier in person than in text.

3) He had access to free tickets to any show at any live music venue in DC.

M and I proceeded to have, what I thought, was a very good date. Drinks turned to more drinks turned to dinner and then to more drinks. We were joking around like old friends by the time we finished our first beer. I swear to god, readers, it was like a movie-worthy first date. People at the restaurant were literally jealous of our chemistry. The host at the second bar thought I was M’s WIFE. 

After the date, M and I began to walk home (it was 11:00 on a weeknight after all). He lived a block away from the bar and when we got to his door, and said goodbye, he went in for a kiss. And it was a pretty awesome kiss, though it took me by surprise. And then we stopped kissing, and I turned to walk away, and he pulled me back in for a second kiss.

kate and leo kiss

We were basically Kate and Leo at sunset, minus the good looks and the boat. 

We said a goodbye, and he said, “Promise me something. Never let go.” and I said, “I’ll never let go M. I’ll never let go.” And he then he shivered and floated away on a piece of driftwood. 

PSYCH, SUCKERS! What I just described is a scene from James Cameron’s Titanic. But it was almost that magical, I swear. 

The next day, he sent me this:

mysterious pic

What IS that,you ask? I. DON’T. KNOW. I sent the image to no less than three other experts, and they were just as stumped as I was. If you can figure it out, let me know.

So I replied in the only way I thought possible. With another inexplicable picture.

weird dragon photo

Yes, that IS me giving bunny ears to the stuffed dragon in my office. And, don’t worry, the actual photo was sent right side up.

And then, NO RESPONSE. FOR 2 DAYS. I was pretty bummed. I thought the date had gone well. I thought when someone kissed you and said they wanted to see you again, they meant it. I took the absence of his communication as a sign he wasn’t interested in me and sulked around for about a day, and then decided, the chemistry between us had seem so FREAKING GOOD that it was worth one more try. So, I texted him:

The next day, he replied:

M last time i heard from him

WHAT? HUH? I did not know what to make of this response. Was he flirting? Blowing me off? A little of both?

Sure enough, I never heard from M after that inexplicable text, and about one week later, he disappeared from OKcupid altogether.

Date rating: 9.5/10. Like I said, the chemistry going down would make Jim and Pam jealous. I deducted .5 for the two nasty remarks he dropped about his ex girlfriend. Ovaries before bro-varies my friends, even when the ovaries belong to a stranger.

Lesson learned: There is no way to predict what will happen after a date. People often don’t mean what they say, and they have a multitude of reasons for doing what they do. This date definitely contributed to my journey into cynicism.

**Author’s note: For those of you who are wondering about why I am blogging about something that happened around Halloween, please accept my apologies. I went on a man-bender for the last quarter of 2013, and got very distracted by W and some other gentlemen who I will write about shortly. The Chris Christie-esque traffic jam I’ve caused on this blog is one of the reasons I am trying to limit myself to one guy at a time in 2014. (Three weeks in, btw, and I am about .75 of a guy away from this goal. So TGFMA (thank god for my archives)!

Message Monday: Why does S look so ugly?

Good morning and Happy Monday! (Ugh). Everyone had their coffee? Great. Here’s a little treat to ease you into the work week:

message monday 6-24-13

First of all, the worst part of this message is so not the message itself. It’s the fact that I’m allegedly a 74% match with this assclown. Second, if you’ll notice I didn’t block out his “profile pic” aka head shot for an amateur body building competition sponsored by Monster Energy Drink and/or Grindr profile pic that he recycled upon deciding to try out the ladies for a while. In fact, let’s turn this into a combined Message Monday/pic of the week post and check out his sweet bod, shall we?

message monday 6-24-13 pic

Wow. Nice tribal tattoo, bro. Very 2001. Also, nice toilet.

Now, while I’m busy befuddling the men of okcupid with my unattractiveness, let’s see what this guy is up to. Take a look at some of his answers to questions:

message monday intense intell

I am shocked by this. Shocked.

message monday politics

Again, are you serious? I was about to ask your opinion on the NSA leak.

message monday nuclear

You’d probably have to put on a shirt, though. Radiation and all. So that would be a bummer.

message monday racial

That’s a shame, not because you’re an ignorant racist, but because women of color are really missing out by not having the chance to date you. What a loss.

message monday discovering

Well, we’ve all been lucky enough to discover yours already, and may I just say it’s been an honor.

message monday physical features

PREACH. Superficial people are the worst. I’m thrilled that we see eye to eye on this issue, headless tool with a shirtless selfie profile pic who just called a stranger ugly on an online dating site.

message monday comin for ya

Well that’s… terrifying. Please stay right where you are, which I can only assume is first in line at Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s book signing.

situation book