Like S, my prospects are pretty dim at the moment. Even with the addition of Match. Which is a total mystery to me, because who wouldn’t want to be with a girl who wakes up in the morning screaming about flying turtles taking up residence in her humble little studio apartment? That girl sounds like a total catch. Not a traumatized lunatic at all. But I digress. Since I’ve got time on my hands, and we’re a little narcissistic over in these parts, I’ve been hanging out on our stats page a lot lately. One thing I’ve noticed is that this Pic of the Week post is viewed pretty regularly, well after it was posted. Not quite daily, but definitely more than once a week. I do happen to think it’s one of my funnier posts, but sadly, that’s not the reason it gets as much traffic as it does. The real reason can be found in the Search Engine Terms section of our stats page:
S alluded to the entertainment value that is found there, amongst the search terms. There are some really unique gems in that history. You know what else can be found in that all time summary? Four of the top ten search terms sending people on over here, and a total of 57 different search terms, revolve around saggy breasts. I compiled all such searches into this handy little chart:
(I don’t really know what to say about the fact that I spent an inordinate (read: alarming/disturbing/sad) amount of time
tediously perfectly lining up each entry when pasting them all together so the border lines on each side matched up exactly. Other than thanks for the OCD MOM.)
Let me tell you, I didn’t really know what to expect when we started this blog. I don’t think I ever really considered google search terms. But I certainly did not expect the perkiness (or lack thereof) of women’s chests to play a role in bringing in readers. It is equal parts hilarious and terrifying how many searches focus on saggy breasts. It’s also a little astonishing how many different iterations there are of “saggy breasts pictures.” Most have just been used once, but there are a handful that are repeat offenders. Nineteen times people (or just one person over and over again) have searched “saggy breasts pics” and clicked on over to us. I just sat silently shaking my head for 2 minutes after typing that sentence.
A few of my favorites:
“Delicious breast molesting.” As if there’s any other kind of breast molesting.
There are a lot of very specific dating sites out there (seriously – take a moment and peruse that list). Maybe this is an untapped market? Should I shelve this whole lawyering thing and start a new dating website? God knows my ambition to become a public defender isn’t going to make me rich. Are saggy breasts the key to financial success in my life?
Not really the description that I was hoping people would use for our blog.
Because a normal amount of sagging just won’t do. No one wants to see that. Extreme sagging is where it’s at. You heard it here first, folks!
Both of these searches are oddly singular. They’re just looking for 1 saggy breast? Not a matched pair? Is this a niche fetish? I should probably create a group on the new dating site that caters to these folks.
Are saggy breasts my legacy?