search terms – saggy breasts

Like S, my prospects are pretty dim at the moment. Even with the addition of Match. Which is a total mystery to me, because who wouldn’t want to be with a girl who wakes up in the morning screaming about flying turtles taking up residence in her humble little studio apartment? That girl sounds like a total catch. Not a traumatized lunatic at all. But I digress. Since I’ve got time on my hands, and we’re a little narcissistic over in these parts, I’ve been hanging out on our stats page a lot lately. One thing I’ve noticed is that this Pic of the Week post is viewed pretty regularly, well after it was posted. Not quite daily, but definitely more than once a week. I do happen to think it’s one of my funnier posts, but sadly, that’s not the reason it gets as much traffic as it does. The real reason can be found in the Search Engine Terms section of our stats page:

screenshot of stats page

S alluded to the entertainment value that is found there, amongst the search terms. There are some really unique gems in that history. You know what else can be found in that all time summary? Four of the top ten search terms sending people on over here, and a total of 57 different search terms, revolve around saggy breasts. I compiled all such searches into this handy little chart:

saggy breasts stats

(I don’t really know what to say about the fact that I spent an inordinate (read: alarming/disturbing/sad) amount of time tediously perfectly lining up each entry when pasting them all together so the border lines on each side matched up exactly. Other than thanks for the OCD MOM.)

Let me tell you, I didn’t really know what to expect when we started this blog. I don’t think I ever really considered google search terms. But I certainly did not expect the perkiness (or lack thereof) of women’s chests to play a role in bringing in readers. It is equal parts hilarious and terrifying how many searches focus on saggy breasts. It’s also a little astonishing how many different iterations there are of “saggy breasts pictures.” Most have just been used once, but there are a handful that are repeat offenders. Nineteen times people (or just one person over and over again) have searched “saggy breasts pics” and clicked on over to us. I just sat silently shaking my head for 2 minutes after typing that sentence.

A few of my favorites:

delicious breast molesting

“Delicious breast molesting.” As if there’s any other kind of breast molesting.

where can I date a woman withsaggy breasts

There are a lot of very specific dating sites out there (seriously – take a moment and peruse that list). Maybe this is an untapped market? Should I shelve this whole lawyering thing and start a new dating website? God knows my ambition to become a public defender isn’t going to make me rich. Are saggy breasts the key to financial success in my life?

saggy breasts blog

Not really the description that I was hoping people would use for our blog.

extremely sagging breasts pics

Because a normal amount of sagging just won’t do. No one wants to see that. Extreme sagging is where it’s at. You heard it here first, folks!

the most saggy breast in the world

who has the saggiest breast in the world

Both of these searches are oddly singular. They’re just looking for 1 saggy breast? Not a matched pair? Is this a niche fetish? I should probably create a group on the new dating site that caters to these folks.


Are saggy breasts my legacy?

Pic of the Week: Saggy Breasts

Sorry for being MIA for over a week. I’m having a time lately. I’ve been in a weird mood, which I thought I had snapped out of after accidentally dining in the ‘burbs with some sassy septuagenarians. Judging by the fact that I made cookie dough last night, managed to make only 7 cookies before I forgot all about them (and I never forget about cookies), left the gas oven on for 5 hours, got up in the middle of the night to get a drink only to hear strange noises coming from my refrigerator that sounded to me like a frog, and had a panic attack at 2:30 a.m. in my kitchen, I’d bet good money that I’m still in that mood. Which is concerning, because old men shamelessly flirting with me is my kryptonite. That’s not even a joke – I Eat. That. Shit. Up. One of them even kissed my hand. I fanned myself with my other hand like a deranged southern belle and nearly passed out from joy. Things like that have never before failed to lift my spirits into the heavens. So I don’t know what’s going on. But I don’t want to disappoint you dear readers. So, pic of the week…

This week, the picture is actually the least offensive part. It’s the caption that kills me. And no, I did not caption that myself in an attempt at humor. That was ALL him.

POF pic of the day - saggy breasts

  • Let me get this straight. You are so against saggy breasts, that you PUNCH WOMEN IN THE CHEST?!? What you call a joke (god I hope), I (and the rest of the world) call indecent assault and battery. It’ll land you in prison for up to 5 years. Getting punched in the chest is the most decent thing that’ll happen to you in there.
  • There is a minute, but disturbing, chance that I have met this asshat. This photograph was taken at the Coast Guard base in Boston, a place I have visited numerous times. My chest hurts just thinking about it.
  • Why do guys insist on posting pictures of themselves working out at the gym? Seeing you in grubby workout gear does not make me swoon. And I don’t care how much weight you can lift or how far you can run. That is not information that will ever come in handy for me. Post a picture of yourself cooking a delicious meal, wearing Carhartt, and/or building floor-to-ceiling bookshelves of the Beauty and the Beast variety, sliding ladders and all. That is the kind of thing I really care about. That is the kind of thing that makes me weak in the knees.
  • For the love of god, why is this on your dating profile? That’s not rhetorical, I legitimately don’t understand.
  • Stop molesting women and start doing your job – the waterways in this city aren’t safe.