#Bloggingfail

Dear loyal readers,

Allow me to sincerely apologize for the lack of consistent posting that’s been happening lately (and by “that’s been happening” I mean “will be continuing through this week”). I know what you’re thinking but I promise, we haven’t been spending all our time catching up on fall TV and shouting “TINA FEY, HAVE SEX WITH ME” while watching the Emmys.*

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*S did in fact shout that exact sentence during the Emmys. Which she watched with her mom. Who spent most of the broadcast emphatically insisting that “Claire Danes is the worst.” I said all our time, thank you very much.

It’s true, the intoxicating promise of a new season of Nashville is a heady drug to three painfully single late 20-something women, but we promise we’re not abandoning you, not even for this goddess among mere mortals:

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To put it plainly, shit has been cray. Additionally, D and I are both in a close friend’s wedding this weekend (YAY other S and guy S!) which is straight up going to be the party of the century (sorry/not sorry Kate and Wills). L will post this week if she has time, but either way I promise, starting next week we will return to a somewhat consistent schedule, filled with second hand embarrassment, poor grammar, and troubling selfies. Here’s a preview of an upcoming post of mine to whet your appetite: I’ve been seeing someone for most of this summer (who I actually mentioned on the blog before in a not so flattering way…oh me) and I broke it off with him last week. So you’d better believe I’m going to be dishing allllll about that fun experience as soon as I have the time to search for the proper GIFs. 

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Have a great week, boos, and we’ll see you next week with some fresh content!

The Weeknight Only Policy: Part 2

A few weeks ago, my Saturday night date canceled on me hours before our dinner plans. Frustrated and annoyed, I wrote this post. Well, I thought you’d all like to know what happened. Please, try to contain your shock when I tell you…

We never went out again. He officially disappeared off the face of the earth. BUT, it was not a cut and dry case of he canceled and I never heard from him after that. N0 no, that would be too easy and would make too much sense. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about online dating, it’s that nothing anyone does makes any sense whatsoever.

Additionally, now that I’ve officially branded this dude as a flaky jerk, I also would like to share that while we had a very nice first date and hit it off fairly well, and I did find him very smart and funny, I was not attracted to him. Like, at all. I agreed to a second date because I liked him, and a lot of times attraction grows for me after I get to know someone a bit, but I’m telling you… this dude almost immediately reminded me (appearance wise, not personality wise, dear God) of Dwight Schrute.

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Yes. Dwight Schrute.

I should have known, because his two profile pictures were fuzzy and unclear. Will I never learn? And yes, I realize it’s not nice to make fun of someone’s appearance on your dating blog, but then again, it’s not nice to cancel a date same day and disappear without an explanation, so…. the truth hurts, Dwight.

Anyway, let’s review.

When we last left our charming heroine (ahem, me), she had just been canceled on by her homely but personable date, Dwight, mere hours before they were to meet for dinner. Dwight was super apologetic, claiming that he’d come down with the flu and was feeling awful. A bevy of texts describing his symptoms and the doses of NyQuil he was currently taking followed.

….I wish that was an exaggeration.

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Then this:

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As you can see, he was apologetic to the point where it was  a bit much. Like okay, you canceled our date; you didn’t murder my family. No need to flog yourself like that albino in the Da Vinci Code (yeahhh that pop culture reference had some dust on it. Now I feel like I should throw an outdated musical reference your way, too…. boom. You’re welcome).

This song and dance continued for THREE MORE DAYS: him dramatically updating me on on his symptoms…

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…asking what I was up to, and talking about possible dates to reschedule. I reciprocated but it was getting old fast. And then…nothing. Silence. Honestly I was rapidly losing my patience with Dwight at that point, so I was kind of glad. I had some other dates lined up so I thought good riddance, my beet farming friend.

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That was weeks ago. I totally forgot about Dwight and went on multiple other dates. Then yesterday I was looking through old messages for blog material, and I saw that Dwight had completely deleted his okc account. My rage returned, full force. What the eff could explain this dude’s shadiness? Another girl? Multiple identities? Hosting out of town guests? And why the big song and dance if he was just going to disappear?

Dwight, if you’re out there and you did not in fact die of the terrible influenza you so vividly described to me, and you somehow find this blog, I want you to understand that I’m not writing this because I’m still bummed that you blew me off. Hell no. 1. I’m completely over it, and 2. I didn’t like you that much in the first place. Seriously.

My real issue comes down to this:

You wasted my time, asshole.

Do you know how much great TV I could have been watching instead of lamely shooting the shit with you for days on end? (A lot). How many other dudes I could have chatted with in the time it took to text back and forth about the state of your sinuses? (At least one). How many hilarious blog posts I could have written rather than fake reschedule plans? (Tons, but I’m making up for that now). So if you’ll excuse me, I’m not going to spend another minute talking or thinking about you. I’m going to spend my time working on something far more productive and worthwhile. Deuces.