Good morning and Happy Monday! (Ugh). Everyone had their coffee? Great. Here’s a little treat to ease you into the work week:

First of all, the worst part of this message is so not the message itself. It’s the fact that I’m allegedly a 74% match with this assclown. Second, if you’ll notice I didn’t block out his “profile pic” aka head shot for an amateur body building competition sponsored by Monster Energy Drink and/or Grindr profile pic that he recycled upon deciding to try out the ladies for a while. In fact, let’s turn this into a combined Message Monday/pic of the week post and check out his sweet bod, shall we?

Wow. Nice tribal tattoo, bro. Very 2001. Also, nice toilet.

Now, while I’m busy befuddling the men of okcupid with my unattractiveness, let’s see what this guy is up to. Take a look at some of his answers to questions:

I am shocked by this. Shocked.

Again, are you serious? I was about to ask your opinion on the NSA leak.

You’d probably have to put on a shirt, though. Radiation and all. So that would be a bummer.

That’s a shame, not because you’re an ignorant racist, but because women of color are really missing out by not having the chance to date you. What a loss.

Well, we’ve all been lucky enough to discover yours already, and may I just say it’s been an honor.

PREACH. Superficial people are the worst. I’m thrilled that we see eye to eye on this issue, headless tool with a shirtless selfie profile pic who just called a stranger ugly on an online dating site.

Well that’s… terrifying. Please stay right where you are, which I can only assume is first in line at Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino’s book signing.