Message Monday – Beer and Snuggling

I’m not even sure why I engaged this guy, considering he messaged me “Hey there want to chat?” which is not a message I’m normally willing to respond to. The only way to put less effort into a message is to just write “Hey.” I will not apologize for wanting guys to put in at least a little effort. But I was bored, and very recently dumped. Recent meaning an hour prior. And his profile didn’t have any red-flags, other than this:

you should message me if

I’ve talked before about how that’s a red flag for me. But, in the interest of patching together my recently dumped, wounded self-esteem, and because he seemed fairly normal, I responded.

Snuggle dude

I couldn’t, you guys. I just couldn’t. That suggestion made me want to crawl out of my skin. And not just because of the Woodpecker

This interaction isn’t actually that interesting or funny or generally blog worthy. He was just a guy with poor messaging skills and an affinity for using smiley faces. But the shame spiral that this message contributed to did seem blog worthy. A shame spiral that prompted me to question whether or not I need to see a therapist about this aversion to physical contact of mine. I mean, I’m still horrified by how seemingly mainstream hugging strangers appears to be. But between this message and the fact that, while home in NY for a christening recently, my friend apologized for giving me a hug when I was saying goodbye, I started to panic that there’s something seriously the matter with me. I don’t actually hate hugging the people that I care about, but they seem to think that I do. Which makes me feel like an asshole. Hugging certainly isn’t my first instinct, but sometimes a hug from a loved one is nice. I’ve come to terms with the fact that hugging is something people do when they care about each other. I even occasionally will be the one to initiate a hug! Do you like how I just said that as if it’s something to be super proud of? Like “look at me, on rare occasions I hug the people I love! And I don’t even hate it! God, I’m such a warm, loving person!” 

It occurred to me that I should probably also come to terms with the fact that snuggling/cuddling is something people who are in a romantic relationship tend to engage in.

Typing that sentence made my physically shudder, so clearly I haven’t gotten very far in my journey of acceptance. What if I never come around to it? Who wants to date someone who doles out hugs once every blue moon and is repulsed by the idea of snuggling? 

Oh God, I’m going to die alone.

fuck it i'm inadequate what can you do (wheninlawschool)

Source: #wheninlawschool

Quite possibly the most accurate tagline for my romantic endeavors to date…

Message Monday: Ice Breaker

Howdy, internet friends. I thought I’d switch things up from our normal StuCu routine of posting sociopathic, soul crushing, and just generally nonsensical messages for Message Monday and go with something a little more “normal” today. Here’s one that I received recently:

polar bear

This is hella depressing, but that is actually one of the better messages I’ve received on Okcupid. Middlle of the road, sure, but definitely in the top 50%. Ahahaha #FML.


Honestly, I didn’t hate this message. It’s super cheesy, and obviously pick up lines are lame, but I don’t know, I was maybe 30% charmed by it. First of all, it prompted me to picture baby polar bears, which yes, grow up to be killing machines, but also happen to be effing adorable:

Second, at least he said SOMETHING other than:

  • hey
  • hi
  • yo
  • what’s up
  • ur pretty
  • wana talk
  • how are u

I would have definitely chatted and subsequently gone out with this guy IF upon further inspection of his profile I hadn’t concluded that we had absolutely nothing in common. Like, zero. But my rejecting him had nothing to do with the message, even though I can only assume (as I always do with a generic message that doesn’t refer to my profile at all) that he’s sending this bad boy out to any and every woman who he encounters on Okc. I would actually love to know what his rate of return is, but I’m guessing it w0uld be considered rude to ask him that in my reply…?

What do you think, readers?