Realness rankings: Date scenes from cinema classics

In case you haven’t noticed, the ladies of StuCu blog are pop culture DEVOTEES, especially when it comes to a good rom com, and especially especially when it comes to a good 80s or 90s rom com. Up to a year and a half ago, I formed my ideas of what dates looked like largely from TV or movies.  When I actually entered the dating world, I realized that, for better or for worse, some of those scenes were realistic, and some of them were as far from reality as one can get, which, much to the delight of my friends, left me shouting things at the TV like, “OH PULEEZE! GIVE ME A BREAK!”

So for your viewing pleasure this weekend, I bring you:

daytime realness

http://giphy.com/gifs/k7EfYv6OHGDSM

L’s realness analysis of some of our generation’s most treasured films. Realness rankings are as follows:

Not real at all-REALLY??

Real-ish-REAL

So real I’m getting PTSD from watching: REALNESS

1. Fever Pitch: If you haven’t seen it, go ahead and watch the trailer.

Now here’s what you need to know: that cute little scene at the beginning of the trailer, where they are exchanging witty banter, walking through the park on a crisp, winter day, that scene, is proceeded by a first date scene, where Ben goes to pick up Lindsay at her apartment, finds her sick to her stomach, and instead of leaving, spends all night cleaning up her vomit. 

REALNESS RANKING: REALLY??

Look, while there is no denying that Jimmy Fallon is a gentleman (I mean, have you seen him lip sync??), the truth is that no man, even him, would stick around to do that in real life. And no woman would let a near stranger into her home when she was feeling like hell and just wanted to spend the night with her toilet, sipping flat ginger ale. 

What would have been more realistic? She would have sent a text and cancelled, and he would never have ended up at her apartment in the first place. Best case scenario, they reschedule. Worst (and more likely) case scenario: they exchange a series of meaningless text exchanges and then someone disappears. 

2. Clueless: God bless Amy Heckerling for actually being the voice of our generation. Remember when Cher invites Christian over for a date at her house and all he wants to do is watch Tony Curtis movies (because he’s a really great actor)?

REALNESS RANKING: REAL

There are many elements of reality here:

  • Spending your post-date hours wondering “what is wrong with me?” in response to some guy’s behavior that actually has nothing to do with you? CHECK.
  • Obsessing about what happened to your friends? CHECK.
  • Finding out that you are dating a gay guy? I mean, maybe this only happens to me. But still…CHECK.

Let’s also take a minute to point out how much that Murray/Dionne scene on the freeway reminds me of my high school boyfriend teaching me to drive (if you replace the convertible with a maroon Buick Oldsmobile that only has one working door).

3. Bright Jones Diary: I wish I was talking about Bridget’s first date with Mark Darcy, but they never really have a first real date, unless you count the birthday dinner after the Eleanor Heany and Kaffir Aghani interview. But I’m not. I’m talking about her first date with that alcoholic, workaholic, sexaholic, commitment-phobic, peeping tom, megalomaniac, emotional fuckwit pervert, Daniel Cleaver.

REALNESS RANKING: REALNESS

Let’s review the story line, shall we? Bridget attends a party where she manages to feel like both a social outcast and a professional failure, leaving her self-esteem in shambles.

She gets drunk, and agrees to an impromptu date with that scoundrel Daniel Cleaver, where he basically sexually harasses her and insults her intelligence the whole time. They go back to her apartment, and she sleeps with him anyway. (Sadly, I can’t embed a link of this into the post, so you’ll have to watch her further humiliation here: http://www.miramax.com/watch?v=5seXBiYjpp5frUg4VgjMwQCo6dnnNGyX

They proceed to have an ill-advised fling that ends poorly.

Oh, Bridget, this is why billions of people paid money to read your diary. We feel you, girl. Cause we’ve all been there.

I refuse to end this blog post on a depressing note though. It’s the freaking weekend, it’s soon to be June, the flowers are in bloom, other obligatory pleasantries, blah blah blah. The point is, at the end of the day, Bridget gets Mark Darcy, who is delicious.

just as you are

http://wifflegif.com/gifs/449622-bridget-joness-diary-just-the-way-you-are-gif

REALNESS LESSON: We all deserve someone who likes us, just as we are. And he’s out there.*

*He may not look like Colin Firth and sound like a top human rights barrister though, so do keep an open mind.

Got any TV/movie date scenes that shaped your (possibly misguided) impression of romance? Leave it in the comments readers!

Message Monday: upright and cool dude

Wow. Last week’s Message Monday was a tough act to follow. This message is admittedly pretty innocuous compared to some of the ones we’ve seen. On the surface this guy actually seems (kind of) friendly and nice. But let’s dig deeper, shall we?

message monday 3-18-13

  • “Okcupid keeps emailing me to message you”. I don’t know what site you’re on, sir, but the free internet dating service I signed up for has never aggressively and incessantly emailed me demanding that I message the same random person. If it did, no one would use it. As you can see from the screen cap, I showed up in this guy’s quiver, which is when okc gives you three profile suggestions for you to take a look at. When you delete those three people from your quiver, they give you three more. Okc will email them to you if you don’t turn off email alerts, like with anything else. You can easily ignore this altogether if you choose. So what happened was, I was one of this guy’s three suggested people. The end. Clearly he has a flair for the dramatics. Also, is this supposed to make me want to reply to your message? Essentially telling me that the adorable okc robot mascot (who PS I officially dubbed Sallybot… yes I’m still single) put a virtual gun to your head and that’s why you’re reaching out to me?                                                                                                                       sally bot
  • “You seem like a pretty upright and cool dude”. Ummm….thanks? That’s a….unique thing to say to a stranger who you may want to potentially date. I guess there are worse things someone could say but let’s be honest, this is not ideal. “Upright”? I’ve got nothing. And obviously “dude” is a term that can be also be used for girls but I did have a terrible moment when I first read this where I thought this person actually mistook me for a man. The second thought that came to mind was that I’d just received a message from one of these fine gentlemen: …and a click onto the guy’s profile confirmed that yes, I actually sort of did! Oh, Clueless. Nearly 20 years later you continue to be a reliable and accurate resource for dating advice and blog material. Bless your heart, Amy Heckerling.
  • “I guess you can message me back if you feel like it”. Well. Be still my heart. Clearly I’ve received 2013’s answer to this. Look, I don’t expect some over the top super eloquent first message, but could we maybe handle 10-15% more enthusiasm? You managed to fit in multiple exclamation points, so can you apply that excitement to the actual words you typed? Here’s a helpful tip: if what you’re writing can also be used in the context of 1. adding accident forgiveness to your car insurance or 2. getting flavored fluoride during your next teeth cleaning (shoot, actually I need to make an appointment), maybe, probably, (definitely) don’t send it to a potential date.

Hmm. Just realized I’ve got an unintentional Jane Austen theme going on here. So let’s watch Colin Firth in a wet shirt now. No explanation necessary.