Let me guess, you forgot there was a third co-blogger named D? I know. I’ve been MIA for a month. And if I’m being honest, I’ll probably be scarce around these parts for a little while longer. I wish I had a juicy reason, like a new relationship that was going so well I had nothing to blog about. The real reason is more to the tune of: work is insane, one of my closest friends is getting married soon and I’m a bridesmaid, I’m moving to the ‘burbs in two weeks, and I’ve been feeling pretty “meh” lately about online dating (that match membership is proving to be a waste of money) (Editor’s note: I hate being right. Obviously I actually love it, but I hate that it’s at D’s expense. Fucking Match). And remember when S promised you lovely readers less “Womp Womp” and more hilarious hijinks? I don’t know about hilarious hijinks, but here’s a Message Monday for you:

Technically speaking, I recognize that this was a compliment. He thinks I’m pretty. But I shuddered when I received this. I can’t even explain why this message creeped me out so much. Well, I could explain. And in fact, I did explain when I first drafted this post. But that explanation went to a really dark and macabre place. It was dark even for us, so I called S and the following conversation transpired:

D: So, I drafted a Message Monday, but I don’t think we can use it. It went to a really weird place.

S: Ok, let me read the draft.

…….

S: Wait. I don’t understand. What is this tangent about the guy photographing your dead body? Why is there a whole paragraph about corpses?

D: That’s the thing! I just spent an hour trying to make it less dark, but still convey my feelings about that message, and that’s literally the best I could do.

S: What are these links?

D: They’re to a series by a famous photographer featuring staged deaths, called “Landscapes with a Corpse.”

S: What the f*ck, D?! There’s no way I’m clicking on those. Did you seriously Google ‘corpse photography’? Why? What’s wrong with you?

D: I don’t know how to make this better.

S: Well I literally just promised our readers we would stop being the princesses of darkness. And when I said that, a post where you describe in alarming detail a guy from okc photographing your dead body wasn’t really what I had in mind. You can’t post it. This conversation, however, might be mildly amusing. 

Just another day’s work. We’ll see you all next time on…