Well, as tempting as it is to be the Bonnie to someone’s Clyde:

I think I’ll pass as I’m not really into stealing. The only time I can recall stealing something is when I accidentally walked out of a store with a pair of aviators on my head in college. I was shopping for my costume for a midnight showing of Super Troopers and I literally had just paid for a pair at the cash register. #Badass

Based on the sweet plastic lei this gentleman is sporting in his profile pic, I’m going to take a wild guess and say that his targets are Dollar Tree and/or Party City. So thanks for the offer, Danny Ocean, but I don’t really need 2 dozen sets of Mardis Gras beads or movie theater sized candy that’s 6 years past its shelf life.

I do, however, need to stare at The Cloon for a bit. Mmmm. You’re welcome, ladies.

Honestly the only target I would seriously consider robbing would be amatchmaking service. If I could get my hands on the phone #s of some normal, eligible single men who have been screened by a professional and who aren’t going to ask me to commit a crime or talk about what kind of stockings I wear the very first time we interact, well then (ironically enough) that may actually be worth 36 hours of community service.

I’m comin’ for ya, Patti!