Before looking at today’s pics (yes, there are two–get ready to double your pleasure), allow me to set the mood for you. Press play below:

Fantastic. Now you’re ready. Behold:

Sigh. These are 100% my favorite pics that we’ve featured so far. Let’s get down to it:

• I feel it’s essential to note that in both these photos, Sleeping Beauty’s eyes are closed like he’s in a deep, restful slumber.
• SB’s flowing, wild locks are the stuff that romance novel covers and daytime soaps are made of.
• This must be what it’s like to sleep next to Gaston.
• Such beautiful, feminine bedding choices (I literally had the same color sheets as pic #1 in college). I wonder if those are also from the Target Mossimo dorm collection.
• He may sleep in the nude, but like any stylish gal, SB can’t be seen without his accessories! The Livestrong bracelet (um read a newspaper, kthx) and pink dog collar are both clearly bedtime essentials.
• Speaking of dogs, that animal is either drugged, dead, or praying to a God it knows doesn’t exist to be put out of its misery.
• Is it just me, or is the lighting in pic #2 suspiciously reminiscent of those soft shots they’d take of old Hollywood starlets by filming them through a cheesecloth?

And now we come to our final, most important bullet:

• Who took these pictures, and why? The evidence overwhelmingly points to a girlfriend or two different but equally insane one night stands: ladylike sheets, toy dog with pink collar, overall creepiness factor. I started to ask myself why… why anyone would want to capture this God among men in all his slumbering glory when they could be resting in his tender embrace. But then I thought, does it matter? The reason’s not important. Those pictures are out there for us to enjoy, and that’s what counts.

Also, I’ve decided that from now on when people ask me about my dating life and I tell them I’m single, instead of feeling bad about myself I’m going to whip out my wallet which will contain two 3×5 copies of these beauties,  flip that shit open for all to see, drop the mic and walk away.